


Photo-oops series

by janahjean



Category: Superman - All Media Types, Superman - Fandom, Superman Returns (2006)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-13
Updated: 2017-04-14
Packaged: 2018-10-18 08:54:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10613508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/janahjean/pseuds/janahjean
Summary: One shot collections of selfie, groufies with photogenic Clark Kent





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t own _____. _____ is the property of DC comics, WB and are not my intellectual property. There is no financial gain made from this nor will any be sought. This is for entertainment purposes only.
> 
> Matls:  
> Starmobile playfive androidm phone  
> Google doc  
> Cell data:globe isp gotscombodd70

AN:// because there is NEVER enough photogenic Clark Kent in fanfiction. Also effin hormones. 

 

4/13/2017  
TITLE: 47.PHOTO-OOPS SERIES *WINK NUDGE NUDGE*

CHAPTER ONE  
A Thing Called Beauty (OR this title just came out by the seat of my ass)  
By: janahjeanb

“Don’t move damnit!” Lois Lane practically growl as she threaten Clark with a pointed folded newspaper.

Clark Kent more or less freeze as per usual everytime Lois threaten, growl, yelled at him. He was out on the street that morning looking for news and had just collapse into his chair at the Daily Planet like limp noodles.

“What is t-this?” He stammer looking back and forth between Lois who is holding him hostage and the approaching Cat Grant who is wearing a shit-eating smile.

Clark’s eyes grow even wider when his normally competitive partner seemed to defer at Cat for instruction.

“I don’t know Cat. Maybe we should just have him sit on his desk?” She asked Cat.

“Hmm,” Cat absentmindedly reply as she study Clark. Clark, who was use to the more open leering, teasing look from Cat, was uncomfortable fidgeting.

“Can you tell me what is goin on??” Clark beg. He might have laugh as Lois push his chair away from the desk but he was more concern about the fact that he is treated like prime beef by both femme. 

“Ohhh good idea.” Cat purred at Lois’ action before she turn to Clark and put him out of misery by answering his question. “Perry wants to do a personal calendar which features his crew and you’re next.”

“Cattt,” Lois wailed. “He looks ...awful!” She accuse after studying her  
partner who didnt help matter with his hands resting primly on his lap and both legs close properly. 

“And here, I thought you know men Cat!” Lois sniffed.

“I know men but he is your partner, Lois!” Cat yelled back. “Where have you been this morning anyway, Clark?” She asked Clark.

“O-outside beating the s-street,” stammered Clark.

Cat look outside at the terrible heatwave. “Funny, you don’t look heatstrok-y.” She narrowed her eyes before she bend and take a whiff at Clark.

Clark who don’t sweat. Sweat figuratively. “I-i went h-home and uh,change.” He lied.

Cat didn’t believe him but her reputation is at stake as a gentlemen’s lady and she have to pick that first. “Here.” She shocked Clark when she force a knee in between his legs, forcing them open.

Both Cat and Lois share a laugh as Clark turn red as a firetruck. “Slouch honey,” Cat coaxed, “give us your best bad boy look.”

Lois chortled at that.

Clark throw her back a nasty look as if saying hey! I can do bad boy.

Cat knows how to play men and easily enough she played Clark like a maestro. “Good,” she said softly as Clark slouch in the chair,” pretend it’s a soft expensive armchair that happen to be yours.”

Cat bite her lip seeing but not seeing what is missing in the pic. 

“I could get rid of this?” Clark who can’t stand people looking helpless offer as he slide a hand on the lapel of his suit. 

Cat smile gratefully.”good idea,” she praised.

Clark stood up quickly to get rid of the coat and Cat was impress that when he sat down again, he got the posture Cat wanted on his first try.

“Don’t move!!” Lois shriek after a brief period where both girls tried to memorize the delicious picture Clark made as he slouch on the chair looking suddenly hot and masculine while he was framed by sunlight. The white longsleeve, loosen tie, the hairs on his hand, the glittering simple watch compliment nicely with the ebony hair and cheeks.

“You made a great bad boy,” Cat teased.

Clark watched Lois impatiently tugging Jimmy off his chair. Jimmy was stuffing donuts in a hurry.

“Do you think Lois likes me better if I’m more … bad?” Clark asked, not being able to look at Cat in the eye.

“Jesus. He got it bad.” Cat thought amused and pitying at the same time. “Hon,” Cat tactfully answered, “you are just what Lois needs. Give it time.”

“There that wasn’t so bad wasn’t it?” Lois mockingly told Clark in babytalk after Jimmy took his pictures, one at the chair and another one where he is standing up with a geeky v-sign at the camera which he vowed to give to his mom.

Clark just breathe noisily in his nose before he grab for Lois and have her lie on his lap and spank the spunk out of her.

Lois might have an idea that Clark was at the end of his rope in dealing with her and she grow quiet. She swallowed when her eyes met his.

Thankfully Cat broke in with a laugh as she sat down on Clark’s lap and sang, “and here comes the fun part! Jimmy!!” She snapped her finger at the young lad.

Lois watched with a smirk in the face of Clark’s obvious discomfort of having a woman in his lap.

“Oh quit it!” Cat said annoyed at Clark’s squirming before she face Jimmy who is counting up to five.

Clark give a tentative smile at the camera, after all, he can be kind. Lois heart lurch at how cute Cat and Clark look together.

“Now you can show people that picture if they think you’re gay, Smallville.” Lois tease instead.

Clark actually growl, much to Cat’s delighted surprise. She clapped her hands and said her farewell. “Bye lovers, I’m going out.”

Clark watched Lois looking indignant at them being address as lovers. Cat really loves to get under Lois’s skin even if Clark ended up as collateral damage.

Lois decided to leave as well but before she can go, what Jimmy mentioned stop her.

“Hey CK, how come you and Ms.Lane haven’t got one picture as partners?” 

Clark open and close his mouth but no words came out. “Hey, we do have pics together right Lois? At the christmas party?”he finally said weakly after a long while. He was trying to be a diplomat.

Lois meanwhile was also trying to remember if Clark and herself have a picture together but came up horrifyingly blank. “That doesn’t count,” she snarl. “We were with other people, farmboy!’ Lois, doesnt play well as a diplomat.

“Jimmy take our picture now!” Lois demanded loftily.

Jimmy hurriedly put his camera on his face and dropped it just as fast. ‘Guys,” he whined before Lois could open her mouth and ask about the delay. “You look stiff as a board! Can you just...chill?”

Lois give a soft laugh and Clark was giddy when Lois share an amuse look with him. “Fine,” she surrender.

The next day…  
Clark was giving Lois a goofy grin as he wave a newly framed copy of their “couple” picture at her. 

“Dork,” Lois said fondly later when she pass by Clark’s desk and saw the picture being prominently displayed on the desk.

Lois barely even noticed the sonic boom in the background.

 

-the end-


	2. woo

April 14 2017  
Good Friday/ Holy Week

Title: WOE IS ME, WOO ME, who is me  
by: janahjeanb

Superman can never get drunk. Poor chap. It shouldn’t be taken as a challenge though but Batman, surprisingly enough,had discover he have some free time on his hand and although Alfred wish that the Batman could relax once in awhile, this awful evil cackling and bro-fist with Red Robin bade ill-well to whoever the two chemist experts have latch as their subject.

Clark woke up just after sinking into sleep forty minutes earlier from his patrol, when his landline phone ring. “Ugh,” he groaned as he tried to reach blindly at his bedroom table to get the phone to stop its blaring ringing.

“Master Clark, run!!” Alfred was screaming into the phone, spittle flying and losing his British composure but before he could give mor ample warning Jason tackle him.

Seriously, it shock Alfred how Jason willingly agreed to Bruce’s order when normally, he would refuse to cooperate particularly if so ordered by Bats. “Sorry Alfie,” he said cheerfully as he carried the guy easily on his shoulder. “But Bruce did bribe me high quality copy of vids of a drunk Superman if I cooperate.”

In restrospect, Superman should have known that hiding in the Fortress was a predictable move. But in his defense, he was panicking and anyway, strongest man in the universe shouldnt have problems dealing with problems you know.  
But there are problems and then there are bat-problems.

“Pleaseeee,” Clark beg pathetically as he leave clawed marks on the floor of his fortress.

“Jesh, Kent!” Damian was experience embarassment at Superman’s pathetic crying. He look at Dick who is dragging Clark by his feet which is entangled by kryptonite-laced rope

“Activate the beam, lil D!” 

Damian who piggyback at the Watchtower’s transportation comply. And the three were engulf by a bright light.

Three hours Later…  
“I never thought his Suit could turn black you know,” Dick said conversationally as the five men crowded in the second floor balcony watching the black suit Superman spiral out of control in his flight plan.

“Something like a biofeedback i quess or a defense mechanism,” Tim suggested, his enunciation was slow and distinct- a clear sign that he was drunk.

“Here Dad,” Jason slurred as he slap his wallet at Bruce’s face. “Figure you need more cash if words get out that Superman is doing collateral damage on account of being drunk.”

He laugh at the same time as Superman laugh with head thrown back at the distance.

A small smile blossomed and stay in Bruce’s face. “So worth it,” he said reverently.

Damian who had been keeping an eye of Superman’s progress or lack of it let go of his binocular to uncharacteristically hug his father’s waist. “I’m proud to be your son, Father.”

Dick was too busy to send his teammates a group mms message of drunk Superman hugging one of the angel figure that marked both side of the driveway to miss a sappy moment between his brothers and dad. A flush cover his face up to his ear. Man, he really love Bruce private wine and beer collections.

After giving the stone angel a sappy talking to, Superman vanished into the sky. He for some reason have a sudden craving to cook something for Lois and so, he headed to the freshest, cheapest farm market he knows of.

Superman was too blissed out to care that he is attracting attention with his costume as he walk around the biggest crowdiest open market in freaking China. He is still drunk having a super uber slow metabolism on the very opposite end of the spectrum against that of Flash’s. He was a head taller than anyone else and he was very drunkenly careful with his step.

He was still wiping out tears of the thought of humanity’s fragility off his eyes when he saw something that made him smile happily. He took out his smartphone from a hidden pocket of his suit. And no, he didn’t figure out Nightwing’s secret of hiding stuff on his tight-skinned suit, in fact it’s the other way around okey?? Jesh. He take a pic of the huge array of vegetable that lined up to make an elaborate salad, and send it with a message before he put it back in his pocket and promptly forgot about it.

“How much?” He asked the waiting seller in broken but understandable Chinese with his heavy midwestern accent.

Superman flew back in the open air when he manage to find a good spot to take off. He didn’t seemed to care that he drop like 25% of his grocery. He decided to dropped by Switzerland next.

He took a selfie right in front of a famous chocolate factory -right by the gate no less with a box of chocolate in hand later. He smile cutely at the camera, send a heart and kisses emoticon to go with the pic, and did the same song and dance number earlier before he put his phone back in his pocket.

And now, he realized he is getting thirsty! He bundle the chocolate along with his grocery bag and wrap them carefully on his red cape before he decided to chase his drink. In France.

“I really have to send this,” Clark said in slurred french as he grab a bemused Friar in charge of the monastery that made wine to his side. The two smile as Clark took their picture.

Clark was laughing softly under his breath as super speed allowed him to send a long email with the attached photo to Lois and then once again he promptly forgot about it as he tried to balance the wine to his increased flight baggage!

He got a feeling his email is not correct spelling wise and otherwise and he have a feeling he is not supposed to send emails? Nah.

Forgetting discretion, he took a running start before he sonic boom out of the monastery and was heading to America in no time.

He landed on top of the highest spire of Metropolis in minutes. He deep breathely which cost him a brief second of lucidity to appreciate the City of Tomorrow in this bird’s eyes perspective. Which gives him a drunkenly brilliant idea. He took a careful aim of his cellphone camera on his body neck down and with the view of the city behind him, and poise a question before he send it.  
Then he waited.

And waited.

He bite his fingernails while waiting for the reply and he made a circle around the spire literally walking on air while fidgeting.

And three agonizing minutes later, his phone rang back. He quickly open his locked screen with abated breathe.

“Yes!! He yelled.

The next day…  
Clark tried to sink even deeper into his pillow which weirdly smells like his Lois. His pillow smelled like lavender, grass and- his eyes flew open in dawning realization. He was looking at Lois. At Lois.Naked.backside. He yelp and fell on the floor and was grateful that Lois still sleep like one of the dead. 

He was thankfully clothe but it was his blue and red suit which he swear he didn’t use as a sleepwear, which means Lois had sleep with Superman!

He fled into the bathroom and locked it. And sat on the covered toilet seat and cried.

Sniffling, he tried to fished out his cellphone, hoping it will help him remember yesterday. He frown seeing that all his outbox have Lois as his recipient. With dread he open the earliest of the four and cringe at what he wrote.

There’s a picture of freaking watermelons and a caption of “when i saw em melons i think of your melons! Theyre totally different species. Lol.”

Clark wanted to tear his eyes out in horror. He quickly fled to read the next one, hoping it gets better. It did. Thank Rao!

He saw pictures of chocolates. Lois’s favorite! And the caption that read “your favorite and chocolates.” Clark blushed at the long spam of heart emojis that followed next.

He jump to the next. And laugh at how the friar resemble Perry and he wanted to pat past Superman at the witty lines, of his long essay so Clarkish in flow of words and style.

His heart began to beat normally by then which was why he didnt expect to black out for ten seconds at his next picture. He have a full body shot of his impressive bod neck down and Metropolis in the background. And the brashest text asking, “Lois, will you go out and have dinner with me?”

Clark look at his apartment bathroom’s small window and decided if he can squeeze himself out from there. He was -

His cellphone ring.

He froze.

He wet himself.

He open the inbox.

“Come back to bed, Clark. Your secret is out.”

Came the message from Lois with a picture of Lois nipping playfully at Clark’s ear while facing the camera with his eyeglass on her other hand. Clark was winking at the camera in the picture.

Clark floated out of the bathroom and rush into Lois’s open arm

 

-the end-

An:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> // sappy? Corny? Eh, i must have been projectin my carnal desire. Sorry
> 
> Anyway i love thor:ragnarok trailer, the immigrant song is awesome. Can i write a loki fanfic? Hmm.
> 
> In a personal note, i decided to bring down the orocan container downstair so as i can fill it up for 2f water usage.
> 
> The cheesestick stand next door didnt open this day.
> 
> Minded the store since aunt went to mass


End file.
